About the Poem
February 20, 1999, 1:16am- 4:35pm. This is a Christian's confession about not being able to live up to Jesus's example.
I think?
A Lenten Confession |
| by Sir William James Jaun De La Cruz Lindberg |
| When one lives in a world filled with paradox It is difficult to describe what one truly believes When one defines reality as an absence of black and white realities Questions of absolutes become almost impossible to see. In my heart I know what I believe Intellectually I cannot simply tell you what I mean There are no simple answers nor are there simple questions either Every question demands some qualification Every question contains many boundaries that tasks to be explored This is how my mind operates in tandem with my heart and soul I don't know how your mind operates but I hope it's united with your heart. Ask me a simple question and I'll give you a complex response: When I applied to graduate school it took me three years to write the five page essay titled: What do you Believe? Mentally I haven't a clue how to proceed I really do not know how to describe what is truth Paradoxically I do know in my heart what is true and real: God is and we are God is one and so are we even though we work very hard fragmenting ourselves from our self It's simply hard to explain these things academically Sure I could give the standardized creedal response but you know what, any unbeliever can do that. Some have suggested that I need to be fully indoctrinated into the Christian faith in order to construct the proper response to the question, what do you believe? But my response to these lines of interrogations are as follows, what purpose does indoctrination serve if one does not truly understand and live Christ's teachings from the heart? Further, I don't think my heart and mind would allow itself to take the process of indoctrination seriously. Every question needs to be defined from at least two perspectives: how else can one know what another is talking about? When a person asks me the question, wither I am Christian I shamefully answer with a downcast YES Or proudly respond that I'm Roman Catholic With the full knowledge that these are evasive answers to the meaning of the question, What is Christian Sure it may be satisfactory to some to lie by answering YES but in my heart and mind any response needs to be qualified. On the other hand, if I answer from my spirit informed mind, the response to the question has to be a NO! Because deep inside I know, I am not one with Jesus the Christ In the interior castle which constructs my crystal soul where God in Christ calls his, true, home I do not have this personal relationship that I do often desire and long for but I do have one with mine and Adam's total depravity. Just because I chose to be Baptized at age eleven felt God's hand flood through me like a raging river nailing my knees to the floor as he/she made love to me Does not mean that I am or have become a little Christ. Just because I am a student of theology, seeking truth while loudly pounding upon the door of understanding Does not mean that I fit my description of a little Christ. Just because God led me to the gates and pushed me through the doors of the Holy Catholic Church Does not denote that I am always - past, present, and future - or am in full union with Christ Jesus. Just because from time to time I heartfully desire to serve, strive to give my life to Jesus the Christ Does not mean that I have become a little Christ Because deep down inside, I know, something holds me back for I know that I am truly in love with my own depravity. I am not a Christian This is my honest feeling about questions of this nature: I may be in the process of becoming a new Adam; But deep down inside, I know, that I have not become just yet, because my relationship with the God in Jesus is far too transient to transform me into a little Christ The closer I get to my hearts deepest desires The farther away I seem to slide. This is my honest answer to the question stated above it is about what I know in my heart of hearts to be true about God's love and desires for us to become: For our world indeed is built upon the bricks of paradox. |
Want to send the author a private email? If we have a current address, we'll send your message to them for you.
If you especially appreciated this author, we'll be happy to show you where you might find more of their poems
5 Visitor Comments
BROTHER JOHN
SIR WILLIAM, I HEAR YOU. BUT IT ALL COMES DOWN TO ACCEPTING GOD'S ACCEPTANCE OF US. IT IS CALLED BEING SAVED BY GRACE. IT SOUNDS SO EASY AND MAYBE TOO EASY. YET, IT IS CALLED GOD'S LOVING GRACE. THANKS FOR THE POEM.
Ron
I am a Christian; I know that I am not perfect or is anyone else either,God does not measure us by a yard stick or does he expect you to be perfect, I would not trade it for anything the reason I know I am one of his when I do at times get out of the will of God, It does not take long before he finds me and I know when he is looking for me just like when your mother would find you, you know he will take you back in his arms open wide no matter what and say welcome back my child I have missed you(This is how I know I am Saved)
Jere
What a honest confession. I would surely identify with it. Thanks bro.
yesibelieve
i was wonderful, u wrote how it took u a long time to write what u believe, i think there is a lot simpler explanation of a christian and thats read the bible, do what it says.
Joan
This poem is beautiful. It speaks of faith, of belief and at the same time it compells me to read on and it brings with it a challenge. Keep it up. God Bless you.
All Visitor Comments on this poem have been posted by people who wanted to let the
author know the poem touched their hearts. If you would like to leave a comment of
your own, please Vote for this poem.